He settled slowly back in his chair and with two fingers took a cigarette from the top pocket of his overcoat. He put it to his lips and lit it with a quick flash from his lighter. His eyes swiveled upward and came to rest upon the woman who sat opposite him at the table…
She had long black hair that fell carelessly down to the small of her back. She had deep smoldering coffee brown eyes. Eyes so deep you could swim around in them for days and your toes would never find solid ground. She wore an off the shoulder dark purple dress that warmly hugged her shape and fell softly down to the floor. She was also compulsively clad in bright red canvas high tops, laced all the way to the top. He loved her funny crash boom style. But most of all he loved her kindness.
It wasn’t a honey dripping kindness that made people recoil in disgust and say “Ugh!!” Rather her kindness was subtle, sweetly drifting into a room just making people happy. She was beautiful. In that moment a lustful heat washed over him and he remembered the first time they made love…
The shock of electricity he felt when they kissed. The fire that ran though his blood as she unbuttoned her clothes.
Hands moving though curves, bodies entwined. Fumbling, rumbling, tumbling in rhythm.
Then when it was over, soft looks, sweet low toned whispers and the slow tumble of a single tear down her cheek…
He breathed deeply taking another long drag from his cigarette. A little river of smoke spilled out his mouth as he leaned across the table and said, “Are you hungry?”
She glanced at him knowingly, with a slightly devious smile and said, “Not really”
“Good, I have a better idea…”
3 Comments
Nice scene. Where’s the story?
I realized my earlier comment sounds sharper, less constructive than I mean it. What I mean is: you have a nice set-up here, but because you took the plot-lite route, it feels like a trifle, not part of something that actually means anything. . . what makes this f**k an event? Why do these moments matter, beyond the cliched, ‘oh we’re f**king again’ scene?
You clearly have a grasp on how to set up a worthwhile scene, but ‘Crash Boom Love’ lacks any emotional draw or resonance – for myself, at least – to set it apart from a scene that all of the writers on this website, myself included, have written at one time or another.
Even a few lines mentioning what’s going on in their lives at this particular juncture – relevant to their emotional states – would make this a five-star story (a rating I rarely give on this site).
In short: what makes this story yours, more than a boilerplate ‘Top Gun‘s sex/curtain scene recycled with precipitation’ piece?
Lest I sound like I’m being mean or pompous, it’s not intended as such. I’m a fellow writer who enjoys your writing but wants to see you take your work to the next level, make you stand out – like you deserve to, given your evident talent.
Ignore the ‘precipitation’ element of my comment – I wrote my second comment some time after reading your (and many other) stories, so for the span of the word I got mixed up, apologies for that!