Cop Shopping — Steve Isaak
Mabel entered the mandroid shop. The gift certificate Gloria had gotten her for Christmas was generous, and embarrassing.
If you hadn’t told her about your cop fetish, she never would’ve gotten this for you. On the plus side, you now know that she’d give it up for a wereclown.
Mabel smirked. She’d already arranged for a wereclown callboy to visit Gloria on her birthday, next month.
Mabel’s revenge would be served hot, in more ways than –
“Can I help you?”
Mabel flushed. “My friend got me a gift certificate.”
The blond, business-suited saleswoman smiled. “Do you know what you want?”
“Anything in uniform – cops?”
“You’ve come to the right place. This way, Miss. . .?”
“I’m Tillie. Glad to meet you, Mabel.”
Tillie led her down a white antiseptic hall, past white antiseptic doors. The building was bigger than Mabel had imagined. Several customers, each with a business-suited salesperson, passed them in the wide hallway.
“How many cops? And what gender?” Tillie slowed her pace.
“Um, one. Male.”
“What kind of cop?”
Mabel hadn’t considered that. “What kind do you have?”
Tillie smiled, sat in one of the three easy chairs that were placed between each door. She gestured for Mabel to sit next to her.
“At the risk of seeming impolite, Mabel, what do you plan to use the cop for?”
Mabel’s face grew hot.
Tillie’s smile became warmer. “I only ask to better serve you. With so much variety. . .”
Mabel’s flush deepened.
Tillie threw her a lifeline. “ ‘Recreation’?”
“Don’t be embarrassed, Mabel. You’re not alone in this. I own a Navy Man. Drives my husband crazy when his Female Army Nurse, my Navy Man and I get together.”
Mabel laughed, relieved and deliciously scandalized.
Tillie began her sales pitch.
“The Models I’m about to described are based on literary and cinematic caricatures. Once we’ve decided on a Model, we’ll have you fill out a form, detailing the mandroid’s desired personality traits, sexual preferences and physical type. Your mandroid will be distinctive, created especially for you.
“Now, the first Model is the Big City Cop. Especially popular is the LAPD Officer, who takes charge, is handy with a nightstick and likes to party. His ‘faults’ are that he hates video cameras, dislikes minorities, is short-tempered, and suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The Big City Cop comes in two varieties: the Overeager Rookie and the World-Weary Alcoholic Vet.”
Mabel shook her head.
Tillie, smiling, resumed her pitch.
“Next we have the Andy Taylor Model. He’s easy-going, loves kids. He’s conservative, but doesn’t mind kicking his heels up. His ‘faults’ are that you might have to nag him to mow the lawn and he might have strong Christian leanings that will become more Right Wing as he grows older. Not that it’s a bad thing, but if you’re a liberal . . .”
Mabel smiled, remembering the old Andy Griffith Show. Sheriff Taylor was nice, but he did nothing for her libido. Again, she shook her head.
“We also have the Barney Fife Model. Yeah, he resembles a chicken-necked, bug-eyed basset hound, but he ‘s more popular than you might think.” Tillie leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “One of my customers tells me he’s a funny Dom, and wonderful with his tongue – better than the other Models.”
Mabel giggled and blushed. She wanted a great tongue man, but the image of a leather clad erect Don Knotts was too much for her.
“There’s the Keystone Kop Model – popular for gang-bangs. They were English ‘bobby’ uniforms, move fast, enjoy rude and subversive humor, and have long ‘nightsticks’ that’ll put John Holmes to shame. We offer a special group rate – “
Mabel shook her head. “Go on.”
“Rent-a-cops are also popular. They like to watch, but don’t get directly involved. They work well with the Keystone Kop Models, if they can avoid getting slapped by the Kops’ nightsticks.”
Another head-shake from Mabel. She wanted a muff-loving, hands-on BDSM man. She nodded for Tillie to continue.
“Last but not least, we have the Alabama Gang-Banger Model. Highlighted features include redneck attitudes, mirrored sunglasses, and an ever-present swagger. It’s popular among rape-fetishists of both genders. Again, we have a special group rate – “
“Is it possible to get a hybrid of the above Models? Say, a mandroid with Val Kilmer’s face and body, the Kops’ ‘nightsticks’, and Fife’s love of, uh, ‘going down’?” Mabel’s blush had returned.
“Of course,” smiled Tillie, who got up and led Mabel toward the front lobby to fill out the forms.
Steve Isaak can be found here; www.readingbypublight.blogspot.com.